Time alone has no healing power

It has been said, ‘time heala all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting it’s sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. – Rose Kennedy

When in mental distress, we tend to ignore the pain of busying ourselves in daily activities. We leave the pain to time to heal. Here comes the legendary quote, “time heals everything”. Does time heal us without any self-involvement?

Everyone thinks that the passage of time heals and leave the reaction to time but time is not magic or a doctor to heal our pain. Time is just a concept to measure the progress of work in hours, days or years. Work doesn’t happen in time without our participation. We won’t say time does work. In the same way, time alone doesn’t heal you.

Mark Twain quoted Tragedy over a time as humour. We may have a small laugh now about the past painful situations. Over the progression, time may take the edge off of acute pain but the real pain still exists inside your subconsciousness or deep down in the heart. That isn’t going to go away in itself.

Greeks have two different types of times, the Chronos and Kairos time. Chronos time is about the time that is ticking away. It’s about the often busy time. It’s the time of our activities planning, tasking, working, busying, completing, etc. In the process, we get hurt and we hardly notice what we are feeling. In such state, either a painful situation is ignored or new injuries occur (not just physical). Kairos time is about slowing things way down and understanding what’s happening inside and outside of ourselves. This time is about paying attention to the actions that led to injury during Chronos time. If time heals, it’s Kairos time that heals because we are fully aware of what’s happening.

According to a therapist, 90% of his patients reach out to him quoting, “It’s been more than a year or two, I shouldn’t still be feeling this sad”. It is because their ongoing agony stems from their attempt to escape momentous heartache rather than dealing with grief. They distract themselves from their sadness or painful situation. In this process, they think of themselves as tough and block the misery out of their life until they think the time has healed their anguish. But in reality, the passage of time hits them hard with severe distress. Blocking the grief doesn’t imply mental strength. Dealing with grief shows real mental strength.

According to researchers from Arizona State University, that people doesn’t possess a lot of natural resilience bounce back from distress but most people think they’re resilient to any situation and prevent them from seeking the help they need to recover.

Things will become better soon is a myth and it suggests our mental health healing is passive. Leaving the psychological pain to the time to heal is the most dangerous thing to do. It grows like cancer in the brain if untreated.

In India, reaching out to psychiatrists or psychologists is mistaken as madness and categorised in society. But actually, there is no wrong in reaching out the professionals for help for mental health. Everyone isn’t strong or naturally resilient to mental distress but everyone can develop the ability to fight distress.

I used to visit a psychologist. The following story is from her notes. She had a patient (age 28), who lost his sibling at 20 while he was driving. That moment shattered his life thereafter. His parents didn’t understand how to help him grieve. His friends and teachers didn’t know either. After three years of doing nothing, they visited the psychologist. With the help of this doctor, he got in touch with his grief, anger, helplessness and vulnerability. Now, he successfully finished post-graduation and working with seven figured salary per annum. If time can heal, he would’ve bounced back in that three years. Time didn’t heal him. His parents, friends or teachers didn’t heal him. Seeking help from a professional person healed him. Sometimes, it takes more than time to heal the deep wounds.

It’s Kairos time that heals the things, which is taking time out of your schedule to finding the problem and reaching out for a solution. Not just hanging out there and leaving it for the time and engaging in Chronos time. Seeking help for mental health is not madness and even if it’s madness, think of it as a scar on your brain which is more dangerous than a scar on your body.

Time alone doesn’t inflict pain or make things work without action over time. In the same way, time alone doesn’t heal us, it’s our reaction to the situation that can only heal us. A pimple on your face may not cause a problem but a stress pimple on your brain damages you a lot physically and mentally.

Don’t shy about reaching out for help on mental health. Acknowledge the grieving.

Take care of your body.

Take care of your mind.

Take care of your heart and soul.